Ever catch yourself getting real heated about something unexpectedly, like mashed potatoes? Me either. You know… you’re having an otherwise calm and uneventful day and then…

You find out that Aunt Suzie is bringing the mashed potatoes to Thanksgiving and you come unglued because you just know they are going to be lumpy and weird?

Or, you drop the potato peeler on the floor and you’re immediately certain the whole holiday will be a disaster?

Or perhaps you catch yourself mashing extra furiously, long after all the lumps are gone? 

Guess what? It doesn’t mean you’re overactive. You’re simply a human experiencing the holidays. Potato reactions are completely normal! The same situation could happen on a Tuesday evening in June and you might not bat an eye. But when it’s the week of Thanksgiving, a spud situation may cause what seems to others (and more importantly to yourself) to be an outsized reaction. 

Often we sweep this reaction under the rug and explain it away as holiday stress. But what does that even mean? Is it even stress we’re feeling? Or is, ”Sorry, I’m just stressed.” something we say to rush past an uncomfortable moment? 

For me and many of my clients holiday stress is often a placeholder for much more specific feelings such as grief, disappointment, or loneliness. We live in a society where being busy and stressed is commonly accepted and expected. But how often in conversation this time of year do we acknowledge when we’re grieving, envious or disappointed?  

How often do we admit the reality we’re experiencing to others or even to ourselves?  Maybe your reality is that you’re enjoying the season without any tough emotions. Cheers to you! Enjoy your holidays and maybe this piece is a reminder that everyone around you is not living that same experience. We each sit down at the table with our own history, our own expectations, our own truth. Never underestimate how powerful it can be to simply acknowledge to someone that you realize this may be a tough time of year for them. 

Maybe this year is not all rainbows and unicorns for you and the truth is that you feel powerless because you want to be a mother more than anything and thought this would be the year you’d add a booster seat to the table. Or maybe you’re in a lot of pain and feel exhausted even thinking about all the effort it will take to get dressed, out the door, and show up to dinner. Maybe you’re feeling fragile because there is a missing plate at the table and you feel like there is a piece of you missing as well. For me, I often feel lonely in a room full of the people I love the most, wishing for just one more chance to laugh with my own parents.

For many of us, we keep truths like these buried, and then are surprised when we explode over a pot of potatoes. If you're feeling like a ball of emotions this holiday season, please know you’re not alone. With the constant reminders to practice gratitude this time of year, it can feel forbidden to express what you really want or to mourn for what you feel is missing.

This is your permission slip!

You are allowed to set gratitude aside and be honest about what you really feel. Gratitude is not the only emotion allowed at the Thanksgiving table. There is room for more. There is room for you, the real you. 

This season, I hope you allow yourself to feel all the feelings. If it's pure gratitude and bliss this year, fantastic. And if you're furious about the potatoes and everything that they represent, fantastic. Feel like you're on a seesaw between the two? That's okay too. You’re allowed to give yourself a break for having strong reactions and you're also allowed to feel different emotions moment to moment.

Personally, I used to feel a lot of guilt around the holidays. Guilty for feeling joy when I should be sad. Guilty for feeling sad when I should feel joy. Guilty for feeling lonely when I should feel loved. Guilty for feeling loved when I should  feel lonely…

Here’s the thing, piling a layer of guilt on top of an emotion never helped a thing. You know what did help? Accepting that it’s OK to feel joy, and sadness, and loneliness, and love in the same night. Sometimes in the same breath. 

You get to decide what honoring your feelings and your experiences looks like for you this season. Over the years I’ve found what works for me. I give myself permission to step outside and get fresh air or go for a walk as often as I want. It’s how I take the time to think about and honor my parents and other loved ones who have passed. I don’t believe my brain when it tells me it’s rude to walk away or disappear for a bit. It isn’t rude. It’s necessary.  

What is necessary for you this season?

I have no doubt I will experience a lot of joy and fun this coming Thanksgiving as I celebrate with my husband and my in-laws. I love them and I’m thankful that we will get to spend the day together. And it’s entirely possible I’ll have a potato induced meltdown. In the aftermath, I’ll take a breath, think of all of you, go for a walk, and honestly admit… it was never about the damn potatoes.

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

Love,

Missy

p.s. I help women stop settling and start living the life they truly want to be living. If you know deep down you want to more out your life - more wellness, more fulfillment, more peace of mind - and you keep dismissing that instinct because you “Should just be grateful for what you have.” let’s chat! You deserve to be a priority in your own life. Text CONSULT to 315-420-7557 and I’ll be in touch to schedule a conversation about you and the life that is waiting for you once you stop settling!