It’s Not Your Job to Make Everyone Happy
Hey,
If you're like most people, the holidays can feel both lovely and stressful, sometimes in the very same moment.
So often there's this underlying pressure we feel to make the season feel good for everyone else. Your kids. Your spouse. Your parents. Your in-laws.
You find yourself managing moods, traditions, expectations, and hoping everyone walks away happy.
If this sounds at all familiar, you're not alone.
Last week on The Holiday Edit coaching call, we talked about something that often gets overlooked this time of year.
It is not your job to create happiness for everyone else.
Take a breath and let that sink in.
Now let's say it a little louder...
It is not your job to create happiness for everyone else.
Your brother, your mom, your friend - they are in charge of their own happiness. Not you.
This is good news! Because you're in control of your own emotional experience too. And once you focus on yours instead of everyone else's - things can seriously shift.
Releasing the pressure to make everyone else's holiday merry opens you up to actually enjoying it yourself. And you know what happens then... it's better for everyone else too!
Because you're genuinely enjoying it - not contorting yourself to meet some Hallmark card expectation.
And focusing on controlling your own experience doesn't mean you stop caring about the people you love. It doesn't mean you stop showing up. And it definitely doesn't mean you're being selfish.
It simply means getting clear about what's actually within your control, so you stop setting yourself up for disappointment.
You can't make everyone love the meal. You can't manufacture connection with relatives who don't really want to be in the same room. And you can't force holiday magic for someone who doesn't believe in it.
Trying to do any flavor of that causes the season to feel more like a performance than a celebration.
And here's the interesting thing...
You may do a lot of the same things. But doing them because you want to, not because you're managing someone else's happiness?
That's an entirely different experience.
This Week's Challenge
Make the meal because you enjoy making it, not because you need someone else to notice how much work it was.
Savor the moments of real connection instead of trying to make every moment feel meaningful.
Decide what feels magical to you and let that energy be contagious - without expectation.
If none of these land for you, find your own version.
What are you doing out of obligation that could feel completely different if you did it for yourself?
The sense of relief from the caller who brought this topic to The Holiday Edit call was palpable.
Especially as women, we're often raised to put everyone else's needs first. To smooth things over. To make sure everyone is okay before we are.
So it can feel uncomfortable to consider doing things differently. To stop managing everyone else's experience. To focus on your own without guilt.
This is exactly the kind of work we do in coaching.
Not because something has gone terribly wrong. But because you're ready to do things differently.
If you're curious what it could look like to move through your next season with less pressure and more choice, I'd love to talk with you.
A discovery call is a simple conversation. We'll explore what feels heavy right now, what you want to experience instead, and whether coaching could help you get there. Either way, you'll leave knowing yourself better and with resources for your next step forward.
Here's to a lighter, more enjoyable holiday season.
With love,
Missy
