Don’t Believe Everything You Think

What we think matters. 

Our thoughts determine our feelings, our feelings determine our actions (or inactions), and our actions determine our ultimate results. 

This simple and powerful truth has changed the quality of my life. It is why I love being a coach and why I will always be a coaching client. 

Let that sink in…

Our thoughts determine our feelings. 

Our feelings determine our actions (or inactions).

Our actions determine our results.

This is great news. Why? We do not have to believe everything we think! 

Our brain offers us tens of thousands of thoughts every day. Most of them are on repeat. The fact that they enter our mind frequently does not mean they are true. It only means we’re used to hearing them. 

Through coaching I have learned to question my thoughts and to think deliberately. Doing this gives me an incredible amount of control over how I feel and what I do day to day, moment by moment. You have the same power.   

Below is a simple example of the thought > feeling > action concept:

The circumstance is the same from two months ago to this weekend - the paint on our kitchen wall was damaged during the installation of new countertops and the paint was a mess. 

For the past two months: 

Thought: “I effing hate tedious jobs like painting edges and I am not good at them.” 

Feeling: Aggravated (by the undone house task, the eyesore, and my lack of confidence in accomplishing a simple task.)

Action/Inaction: I avoid painting. I stare at the annoyance. I beat myself up for not getting the job done. I consider, but don’t hire someone to fix the problem. (Repeat daily.) 

Results: The kitchen is not painted. I feel aggravated with myself and the circumstance.

When I deliberately changed my thought this weekend: 

Thought: “I am completely capable of painting a damn wall and will be so happy when this is done.”

Feeling: Eager (to get it done and move on with my life.) 

Action/Inaction: Remind myself I’m fully capable of painting even if I don’t like to paint. Gather the supplies. Spackle. Sand. Paint.  Notice the progress along the way. Congratulate myself for putting in the effort. Repeat. Commit to finishing. Get it done. 

Results: The kitchen is painted! The eyesore is gone! Disproved the thought (excuse) that “I’m not a good painter”! 

Some of the actions involved talking to myself and cheering myself along the way. Does that sound hokey? Don’t knock it until you try it! Rewarding ourselves internally by recognizing our effort increases dopamine in our systems. Dopamine releases amplify our motivation to keep going! 

Older research on dopamine led us to believe that we receive a “dopamine hit” once we accomplished our ultimate goal. However, recent neuroscience research shows that dopamine drives motivation and causes us to crave rewards. Meaning… me saying, “Miss, look at you painting even though you hate it. Nice work.” releases dopamine in my system which causes me to crave (and work towards) the ultimate reward - a finished painted wall and the feeling of accomplishment. 

Effort > Dopamine > Effort > Dopamine > Effort > Dopamine > Ultimate Result > Pleasure 

If you are interested in digging deeper into the neuroscience of dopamine and motivation, I highly recommend checking out Andrew Huberman’s work.  (https://hubermanlab.com)

If we need to exert effort (action) in order to receive the dopamine hits that motivate us towards our ultimate results, we need to generate feelings that will drive us to action. Since we know our feelings are driven by our thoughts, we have the power to intentionally think thoughts that will produce the feelings we are seeking. 

Thought > Feeling > Action > Effort > Dopamine > Effort > Dopamine > Ultimate Result > Pleasure 

What is a thought that you have heard on repeat for so long that it has become a belief? Maybe it’s as small as “I effing hate tedious jobs like painting edges and I am not good at it.” or maybe it’s a thought that cuts deeper like, “I’m not smart enough to do that.” 

Our thoughts matter! Question the thoughts that automatically pop in your mind and decide if they are causing you to feel the way you want to feel. If not, choose another. 

How would your feelings change if you changed your thoughts? How would your actions change if you felt differently? Write it out. See it on paper. It’s a powerful tool! 

I suggest starting small to show yourself how this cycle works.

Remember, the goal is not to look at everything with rose colored glasses. Sometimes we want to feel sad or angry. I am not suggesting you talk yourself out of a feeling that you want to be in. But… if you have been staring at an unfinished wall for two months and are sick of feeling aggravated… you may want to give this exercise a try. 

Cheers to many dopamine hits along the way! 

Missy

p.s. If you would like support with this process, I’m here to help! Book a consult and we will work together to question your thoughts and get into action that will support you and the life you want to be living.