When Mother’s Day is Complicated
For many Mother’s Day is often a simple and wonderful day of celebrating. For others it is a day filled with emotions fueled by memories of what was, reminders of what we hoped it would be, or a reflection of what we are still hopeful it will become.
And often, it is a mix of all of the above.
My Mother’s Day (and the days surrounding it), if approached without intention, are an emotional roller coaster ride. I fluctuate swiftly between sadness that my Mom is gone, love for who she was, gratefulness for my lovely mother-in-law, grief that I will never be a mom, thankfulness that I am a godmother, aunt, and pseudo-aunt to so many, longing for one more talk with my grandmothers, and peacefulness with the knowing and acceptance that motherhood is not part of my story.
My experience is unique to me.
And your experience is yours.
Your roller coaster of emotions is the result of your experiences. The mother you lost to dementia. The mother you never met. The miscarriage. The stepmother you had. Being the stepmother. The child you haven’t spoken with in ages. The mother who disappointed you. The child you lost. The mother battling addiction. The child battling addiction. Single motherhood. And things that my experience does not allow me to imagine.
It’s complicated.
And yet… what I have learned… is that we don’t have to be completely at the effect of the day.
If you are feeling like the Mother’s Day “season” is hard, I hear you. The world bombards us with reminders… the card displays, the flowers, the emails. Things you can’t control.
But what can you control?
There is something about taking control back that changes things. I promise.
It doesn’t fix everything. But it does give you power. Power to shape your own present and future.
What can you do to control your Mother’s Day and take back your own experience? What would be different if you thought it through this year?
Here are a few things I will be doing:
When a coworker or stranger on the street wishes me “Happy Mother’s Day”: Instead of my normal cocker spaniel type head tilt, or obligatory, “Thank you” I will say… “That’s interesting you assume all women are mothers. I hope you have a nice day!” (Sassier suggestions welcome.)
Flipping all the toilet paper rolls, in all the places, so that the paper rolls from the top. Because my pseudo-mother, Linda, would be doing the same.
I’ll make a vanilla steamer. A drink I shared so often with my Mom. I’ll slow down, take in the smell and the warmth of the mug, and remember her hugs.
I’ll remind myself why my life is incredible and complete without being a mom. Because it’s true. My life is incredible and complete without being a mom.
I’ll allow myself to be happy. I’ll allow myself to be sad. I’ll allow myself to feel any and all of the feels…
I will not scroll through the endless adorable pictures of mothers and kids on social media.
I’ll walk away when I need space. I’ll ask for hugs.
I’ll feel love for all the mothers and all the kids in my world even if I choose to not reach out. I love you.
I wish all the mothers and all the people experiencing Mother’s Day an emotional roller coaster with built in breaks that you control. Feel it. Experience it. Embrace it. In all its simplicity and all its complexity. Let it be filled with love and let it be yours.
Sending love!
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